A lot of us are single parents. We love our kids to the core of our heart and a lot of us also love dating. However it’s a little complicated with the kids in the picture. Dating becomes exciting and scary at the same time. You can feel those butterflies for the new love interest and be forced to think about how to introduce this new person to your kids. Commitment to your partner is the most important thing and when there’s commitment it becomes very obvious to the kids.
You have got to be true to yourself and your partner. It’s not necessary that every relationship reaches a level where it becomes important to include your kids. You can enjoy a social life with a person who is fun to be with, but you don’t imagine a future with them. In this case if the relationship does not work out for some reason then the breakup effect doesn’t extend to your kids.
However once you introduce your kids to this new person you are also making them vulnerable. There’s a good chance that they are attached to the new person. So before you introduce them to your kids,you personally have to be sure that this is going to be a long term relationship.
Once you both have decided that this is a serious relationship you will want to begin a meaningful dialogue with your children. Affirming your commitment to the kids and their questions is of utmost importance. Kids are afraid of abandonment more than anything else. They might think that this new person might be more important to you than them. Therefore it’s important to reaffirm your commitment towards your kids before you even introduce them to your new partner.
Your kids must be explained that you are not asking them to approve your relationship. Just the way that it’s okay for them to not accept the relationship right away. They must know that there’s no ultimatum about accepting your partner. You are having a conversation where you are telling your kids how important they are and what each of you want for the future.
They need to be asked questions like :
What would you like for our family ?
Would you be open to having another person in this family?
What qualities would you like someone to have before them come into our family?
You will realise that your kids are afraid of the feeling of abandonment as your embrace a new relationship.
Let your kids know how much you value their input in the whole situation. Honestly express your feelings and encourage them to do the same. A handwritten letter might just do the trick.
Let the kids know that you are genuinely excited about this new person in your life, they will see that you are happier. Tell them why this person is so important to you.
Coping up with a parent’s new relationship is rarely easy on children. Once you initiate an open dialogue think of how you are going to introduce both parties. Plan something fun for the introductions. Think about how you can have a fun night together as a family. Involve your kids in planning the day if they are old enough. Don’t be stressed and let things unfold. No matter what, remember that you will have to face the music if any. So don’t try and control the interaction. Let the kids and your partner create their own bond.
All the single mommies and daddies, talk to us in the comments section!!