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World Ex Day- Moving on and starting Afresh

I am sure a lot of you would be startled after reading the topic of this blog. And if we go by mainstream Indian audience and the so-called moral policing society, we are sure to invite some glares.

There aren’t many forums or groups where you would come across such an article.

I think this is the first problem that a woman faces when she is going through the painful process of separation. There is hardly any support for a woman when she goes through this process.

India is a land of festivals and the same holds true for a wedding. In fact, weddings are so grand in India that it can very well be called the biggest festival of one’s lifetime.

A girls’ family is most likely to start preparing for her marriage right from the time she comes into this world. Yes you heard it right- Even if it means preparing for it mentally.

A girl is always taught how to be the ideal woman, how to safeguard the name of her family. But what if things don’t turn out as planned? I was never given any sort of training or learning for that, at least.

Till date, broken marriages are considered a bad omen in our society. The very reason why parents don’t want to talk about it, as they prepare their daughters for the life ahead. The society and the larger part of the family will be with you celebrating in your biggest day. But a majority of separated woman or mothers swear by the fact that no one except the immediate family rescued them in their darkest days.

You must have seen trillions of rom-coms and empathised with the main character of the plot. Ever imagined what it would have been like if something similar happened in real-life?

Life after a divorce can be pretty depressing for a woman. Cut to the Indian society which makes it even tougher for a woman to live, let alone survive.

That reminds me of the sheer happiness I feel every time I see widows dancing to the annual holi ritual at Vrindavan. Why shun a fellow human being? Just because her better half passed away or she separated and decided to move ahead in life?

Moving away and starting life afresh can be pretty challenging, but it is not completely impossible. We present some excerpts of a small chit-chat session we had with a few women who either decided to put an end to an abusive relationship or couldn’t continue in the marriage due to some reasons.

In our quest to make this blog more realistic, we decide to speak to some single mothers and we got an amazing response. We were pleasantly surprised with the fabulous and positive vibes they exhibited.

The first mom we spoke to is Payal who is a mom to a five-year-old daughter and is based in Pune. Payal moved out of an abusive relationship and settled with her parents who helped her both emotionally as well as financially. She started handling her mom’s business and later on took up a full-time job in recruitment. Her mom has been a pillar of strength in this difficult journey. She doesn’t see herself getting married any time sooner as she feels she is happy with whatever little she has. Happiness and happy people is all that she desires now! She swears by the theory of the universe and to be positive no matter what.

The next mom we spoke to was Vijayalakshmi. She works with an IT major giant and has a four-year-old son. Vijayalakshmi also battled physical and verbal abuse. She says society plays a major role in separation. It just can’t accept that a woman can agree to walk out of a relationship or end up in a divorce! Her mom and her siblings are her biggest supporters. When we asked about her life going forward, she answered that sometimes it just feels staged. It is all because people will judge how happy or successful you are by looking if you are in a marriage or not. She said she decided to take the step for her son, for whom she wants to be the perfect role model. Recently she purchased a house for herself! Great achievement Vijayalakshmi!

 

 

Presenting some tips which were given to us by the women we spoke to:

1. BATTLE THOSE EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS

Having an emotional outburst is pretty much normal post-separation. It will take some time to heal. The problem comes when even after a certain period of time this doesn’t end. Crying over small issues and shouting it all out is just an extension of a wide array of emotions of what a woman undergoes post-separation. Almost everyone suffers from some sort of depression in this period. It is basically up to you how you plan to battle those emotional demons. Try deep breathing exercises and keep your mind busy to prevent it from going into your past. Trust us, distracting your mind is by far the best tip that every one swears by, to prevent them from emotional outbursts.

 

2. TAKE UP A HOBBY OR AN ACTIVITY

Taking up a hobby or something you like is always a good idea, irrespective of the circumstances. But when a woman is going through trying times, this is, by far, the best means to divert your mind.

Separation can bring anxiety and leave you confused and perplexed about the life ahead. Taking up something new or keeping yourself occupied helps in battling those emotions and maintaining calm.

No wonder it is said that ‘An empty Mind is a Devil’s Workshop’. There are great instances where single moms have broken the barriers and gone forward to become their own boss.

3. SHARE AND SPEAK OUT

Bottling it all up inside is not going to help you in the long run. In fact, it might prove to be poisonous for one’s own emotional and mental well being. Many women isolate themsleves from their families and friends, but as per us, it is not the best thing to do. Isolation will provide only temporary relief from the grief of losing a loved one. Find support groups, around your home or office area. There are forums dedicated solely to this. And don’t worry, none of them discuss the past. It is all about moving ahead with a positive frame of mind leaving what’s behind.

4. YOU STILL HAVE A FUTURE

Remember the last time your kid scraped his knee? Did you discourage him from running again? No, right? Then why discourage yourself from envisioning a new future?

Life after a breakup or divorce can be emotionally draining because of the sudden closure of the dreams you had imagined for the family. But don’t be disheartened, because new hopes, dreams, and ambitions will fade the old memories sooner than you can imagine! But all this can happen only if you accept and stand on your own to move ahead in life.

If you have managed to read the article till here, a big thank you. By writing this article we don’t encourage single parenting or divorces in any way.

By sharing the blog today, our only intention was to make sure that in bringing up our kids like that we prepare our daughters for marriage, we also need to prepare them for an alternate thinking, just in case things don’t turn out as planned in their personal lives.

Ending the post with a beautiful quote:

“Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.” – Lyndon B. Johnson

 

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Written by Udita

Mommy blogger

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